Modern Men Dating Dilemmas

Do I have to Pay for Lunch?

Umm…I am not sure if this is even OK to ask. It’s just that I am trying to be a ‘good’ guy, but I don’t know what that means anymore.

I don’t know why this has become a bit of an issue, but it has, and it’s a shame.

Could it be that this is symbolic of wider confusion existing in society, about what is expected and acceptable as “guy behaviour” these days?

I thought that if I buy lunch – it simply means, I had bought lunch! Not that I am controlling, showing off or earning more than the other person. I just paid the bill. A nice gesture, or so I thought.

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What Makes a Good Man– A Modern Men Dating Dilemma

All this begs the question of what is a ‘good man?’ Perhaps it’s being a committed family man, a good earner or a great sports guy? But aren’t these more actions than characteristics of a person?

What about a kind guy, an inventive guy or an understanding guy? Do these qualities come into play? I’m not one hundred per cent sure that these characteristics appear high on the ‘good man’ list.

And am I just a ‘good man’ if a woman or partner thinks so? Is it from their perspective that we are ‘good’? What about my friend, who thinks I kick ass on the computer game scene or at weekend football?

Just whose perspective are we looking through to decide who is ‘good’ or who is not?

Warring Factions

I do not know if this is an experience outside the man/woman relationship, but it sometimes feels like a cage fight, psychologically.

Relationships are starting to feel more like a negotiated business deal. You will do this, and I will do that, and this will make us happy, and it will work, as agreed.

Yeah, well, I already have business relationships. I want a partner in life who needs a little more heart involvement than a list of agreed ‘actions’ to be completed.

Does everything have a meaning?

I have decided to simplify my life and do what feels right. If I want to open a door for any person, I will. And if I want to pay for lunch, for any person, I will.

And I would absolutely appreciate it if someone paid for my lunch anytime. That would be a thoughtful gesture. I am trying not to associate extra meaning with things that are just simply the gestures of a ‘good’ man.

But is this a generational thing? I mean, are the younger brigade less fussed by all this, or is it the oldies who are not bothered about the new rules of engagement?

Bad Signs Ahead

All in all, I fear a little for the future of relationships developing from this confusion. I honestly do not know what is expected of us a lot of the time.

Maybe I should not bother about others and live according to my own rules. Easier said than done, I am guessing. I fear that small issues of contention between the sexes are signs of much larger and more serious issues at play. On a basic, evolutionary level, are we not just fighting nature a lot of the time?

The whole domain of what is male and female has flown off into the stratosphere and is now at the point that it is not really helping anyone.

This discussion is nothing to do with women and empowerment. It is to do with men and expectations. The mere mention of anything in this domain turns off-topic and misses the original point.

Wherever we are heading, I hope personal integrity leads the charge. It does not make sense to follow a pack if it’s being led astray. Equality is an ideal that works both ways and benefits all.

I hope one day we can drop the expectations both sides have about each other. 

Now, wouldn’t that be a nice gesture?