If you have been unlucky enough to have suffered a significant relationship breakdown, you have my full sympathy. Getting over a breakup is not easy. Even if the relationship was not suitable and you are now better off, the whole process can leave you feeling raw, like you have been gone over with a cheese grater (or chainsaw).
How can someone recover and move on from a relationship successfully? – this is the ultimate question. Everyone’s definition of ‘success’ is different therefore the answer will be an individual one.
Table of contents
Perception Rules in getting over a breakup
Perception and perspective can change everything. I found that taking some time to understand a situation from the point of view of “what is” as opposed to “what I wish” can push you halfway up the ladder of recovery without too much pain.
But this is easier said than done, especially when you are asking your mind to think straight in the middle of what could be a personal crisis. To think straight during a multiple system failure involving financial, personal and psychological crises may take some perseverance. It is far from automatic to see the wood for the trees.
Relationship Breakdown Triage: Take Care of Yourself
Whatever your situation, you have to secure your health first. As the emergency routine on the plane demonstrates, save yourself before you save anyone else. Secure your basic needs as much as you can. And don’t let perfection come in the way here.
It may be the last thing on your mind, but focusing on yourself and your physical and mental well-being can have many benefits. Check out this comprehensive guide to 150+ helpful resources. Apart from looking better, which is hugely important, it may help you take your mind off your other problems. And help you move on from a relationship.
It sometimes feels wrong to enjoy yourself at all in these moments. However, if you can steal a few moments for yourself and your favourite leisure activities, it can remind you of what a vision of a good life can be. Also Read: Hobbies For Men In Their 20s, 30s, 40s, And 50s
Help From Any Source
Life after breakup is not easy. If you are lucky enough to have support or family and friends, don’t be shy and ask for help. Sometimes, people want to help but don’t know how to. I found being specific can get the best results. The person who provides the help feels good, and you get the help you need.
If you do not have family or friends, then try support groups. Some cool reddit communities that are all about support and advice on breakup. These can be useful by providing a supportive ear that may make all difference to your mood and attitude and live to fight another day. If you have local authorities available to assist in a crisis, you can try this avenue too. You may find yourself using a service you never thought you would have to – but that’s why they exist.
There is no shame in asking for help in times of need. It does not reflect on you. It is a reflection of your circumstances.
A Good Recovery
You can’t change what happened; you can go back and fix things and can’t change other people’s minds (usually). But you can change yourself, the situation and your mindset – you can change your future. Once you realize what is in your control, it is empowering. Your focus can go towards a better future for yourself.
I found recovery is not necessarily linear, so don’t get derailed if things go two steps forward or one step back for a while. Take good care of yourself, and good luck on your journey back to the life you deserve. This short guide can also add up some help- The Art of the Re-Start.
Harsh is the founder of menPsyche. He enjoys using his extensive research and writing skills to communicate ideas and concepts, with the aim to improve people’s lives.
Harsh trained as a Communication Engineer and published a MSc (Research) thesis, as well as worked in a variety of marketing and consultancy roles.