Anger Management: Emotions Behind it & Solutions

Tips I learned to manage my anger response.

Sometimes I get angry. But anger seems to be a socially unacceptable emotion. Anger directed towards someone is, of course, not acceptable, but the emotion of anger is a basic human feeling.

‘Anger management is a phrase that gets bandied around these days. I researched what I could to help me understand this ‘negative’ emotion. Can it be ‘managed’? Chronic anger can affect your life and relationships in many ways. Not to mention the effects on your health and state of mind.

Every day people face many challenges. Life is hard. So at times, it is healthy and normal to experience anger. What you do with your anger and how you express it, are important. It’s possible to improve the expression of what’s behind the anger and learn about your warning signs.

The emotion of anger is not good or bad. Like any other feeling, it conveys a message. It tells you ‘information’ about a situation. If your reaction is explosive, that message is unlikely to be conveyed to others in the most productive way.

It seems to me to be completely normal to get angry when you have been mistreated or faced a complex life problem. However, how useful is it to express anger if it harms yourself and the people around you? But it is possible to gain some control over your anger. You can learn how to express your feelings without harming others. 

For this, anger management tools and concepts are helpful. It is not so much about suppressing anger. The objective of anger management is not to beat the emotion of anger. It is instead to understand the messages and reasons behind this feeling. The aim is to be able to express anger healthily without losing control. 

Here are some simple tips and tricks I found to help you manage your anger.

Why do I get so angry?

Such questions have clouded my mind over a few times: Why do I get so angry over little things or for no reason? what emotion is behind my anger?

A little self-awareness can go a long way. After much reading and soul searching, I understood many of our issues arise from what we have learned or experienced in childhood. If you have observed abusive family dynamics, you may have learned that is an ‘acceptable’ way to express your emotions.

And more exposure to stress and traumatic events can itself cause anger responses. By understanding environmental factors and past experiences, you can start to observe that your other emotions, such as embarrassment, insecurity, shame, guilt etc. are disguised as anger.

Signs Of Anger

An important skill to develop is the ability to recognise signs of anger. How does my body respond? 

When I’m angry, I notice my heart tends to beat faster. It causes me to breathe more rapidly. The body is preparing for a ‘fight.’ Other signs might include tension in your neck or shoulders or scrunching your fists. If you become aware when these responses occur, it may help you stop or at least control them.

Can an Angry Person Change?

Yes. It is a great feeling to be able to master this. You start to notice that things in life will fall into place. One huge benefit will probably be to your relationships. It is worth taking some time to understand yourself a little better.

It starts with understanding the reasons for anger and the triggers or settings that can set off your responses. Then, it’s time to try and alter conditions or behavior to effect change. One such skill is learning better communication and conflict strategies.

You can do this by yourself with research and online guides or seek professional anger management classes.

Communicating better and understanding the possible responses I now had in my toolbox was the first step in changing my behavior and the outcomes of discussions and interactions.

Resources I Utilised for Anger Management

If you are employed, an employer-sponsored counsellor or psychologist is an easy option for many. Online counselling is more common these days. You can access many more counsellors online that you may not have been able to meet if you were searching locally. Online help forums or support groups are also a great way to let out emotions and express yourself.

Educational anger management classes and courses are also available in many communities and online. You can also speak with friends or colleagues who may have faced a similar problem with anger. They may be able to share their experiences and let you know any resources that worked for them.

My Best Solution for Anger Management – Exercise

I obtained good results using the above methods, however, the best result I achieved was increasing my exercise output. Any form of exercise or physical activity can help to relieve stress.

If stress is behind your anger issues, you may notice a fast improvement. In particular, high-intensity exercise worked great for me. I know people who found leisurely walks in the park helpful for relaxation and relieving stress and tension. It cannot hurt to try this method. Ok, you may pull a muscle and injure something, but it is free and fun.

Men Asking For Help

It was not my strong suit to ask for help. It’s not that I think asking for help is ‘weak’ as much as I like to try and solve my problems. So if running 5 km every day does not help, you can consider professional help.

Various professionals are skilled at assisting with anger management. Therapists, counsellors, psychologists and other specialists are good places to start. Group programs may also be available in your area or online.

One of the best outcomes of using a therapist is that you can voice your concerns. It is often these concerns, unvoiced, that are behind the anger.

Various professionals are skilled at assisting with anger management.  Therapists, counsellors, psychologists and other specialists are good places to start. Group programs may also be available in your area or online. One of the best outcomes of using a therapist is that you can voice your concerns. It is often these concerns, unvoiced, that are behind the anger.

The Art Of Relaxation

Before your temper flares up, try some relaxation techniques. Deep breathing exercises can provide immediate relief. Imagining a relaxing scene or repeating calming phrases or mantras can also help.

Listening to music is also another great idea. Music is one of my favourite ways to de-stress. You can also do yoga or even can read a book if these activities are of interest to you. I found this to be a very personal domain. What relaxes one person can annoy another. So do whatever suits you to boost relaxation.

Forgive And Let Go…If It Helps

I found forgiveness to be a very effective tool. I try not to let anger and other negative emotions overshadow my current reality or good mood. It can be easy to let yourself be affected by your bitterness. There is no point holding a grudge. It only hurts you.

A therapist may be able to help you forgive somebody who angers you. It is not necessarily for every situation, however. There may be cases where this approach may not help certain people. Instead, it may frustrate or upset them further. It is a very personal journey, but I hope these tips will help you to reduce your anger and gain some control over your emotions.

What works for you? Let readers know your tips below.